I’m Gonna Be a Better Human if I Can

I was sat on my computer, as one does on a lazy summer evening, blankly staring at my YouTube homepage, again as one does when they don’t really remember why they went on YouTube in the first place once the webpage is done loading. Gosh, I have the shortest attention span in the world.

Anyways, I started to absentmindedly scroll down until I saw this vaguely familiar video in the recommended section. It was a song preformed by the sweet Dodie Clark and brilliant Tom Rosenthal, two of my absolute favorite singers of all time, that I’d already seen once or twice when it was posted back in January. I gave it another listen and oh my god, the song is so uplifting and warm and it gives me back all the faith in life that I’d once lost. It’s called Years Years Bears. Go give it a listen and you’ll know what I mean.

The reason why I like this song so much is because it’s structured in a very simple way, yet the words hit you hard, in  a reassuring, encouraging and soothing kind of way. Also the tunes and the video are so aesthetically pleasing. I guess it comes down to the fact that it was recorded in a little cozy bedroom where the piano sounds and Dodie’s & Tom’s beautiful voices just work together so well and so warm and ah my heart could burst out right now!

Let me explain..

You’ll probably get a cold,

You’ll definitely get old,

Your bathroom has mold,

Years Years Bears.

This first verse tells me that shit is inevitably going to happen, because that’s how life works, and that’s okay. Right now it’s summer and I feel blue most of the time, next will come autumn and winter and the least thing that could go wrong for me then is catching a really crappy cold. Also, I know that when winter comes I will be 20 and that scares me shitless because I’m terrified of growing up. But it’s going to happen, and it’s okay because I can’t really do much about it. Worrying isn’t going to stop me getting a cold or growing up, or possibly breaking my heart again, it only makes me stress and feel bad now, and well, what good could come out of that?

You might meet a lover,

Or something other,

You need to call your mother,

Years Years Bears.

You’re gonna need a friend,

Some things are gonna end,

It’s all just pretend,

Years Years Bears.

Now this is just like a wake-up call because it screams at my face ‘the next person to tell you they like you probably isn’t going to stick around long enough to know what your favourite colour even is, so don’t get your hopes up too high!’

Also, be nice to family and friends, they’re really all you’ve got when your heart’s broken and beaten into a pulp and you don’t know how to live anymore.

You’re going to lose your keys,

You’ll have to call the locksmith,

But you don’t have her number.

Years Years Bears.

And this is saying that there are doors I’ll be wanting to open but will find out that I have lost the keys, and probably other solutions like knocking, trying to open it with a bobby pin, or even breaking it down won’t work. I’ll just have to walk away and find myself another door the keys of which I won’t lose.

You’re gonna ask why

You may as well try

The lights are in the sky

Years Years Bears.

Some things are gonna change

Some things will stay the same

It’s all funny games.

Years Years Bears.

I will be bumped if things I thought were going to work, don’t actually work. And I will ask why, and keep asking why, probably for a long time, even if I don’t get an answer, because it is my right to know, and I may as well try to make sense of it even if it means I will waste precious time dwelling on some stupid thing that doesn’t even matter, but that’s okay because once, that stupid thing did mean something.

I’m gonna be a better human if I can.

And I’ve written things down so now I’ve got a plan.

This beautiful chorus gives me life. I will try to be a better human. I will try to make myself happy and I will try to get better and I will try to figure myself out and my little problems and I will get through everything. I will. I owe it to myself. I’m human as much as anyone else, and I will forgive myself if I mess up and if I relapse and if I do something wrong, because it’s okay to start again. It’s not the end of the world and I’m still alive even though I’ve let myself down.

Also, writing things down, that’s a thing that I love doing, it gets it out of my head and lets me see the picture better and clearer.

I will keep jamming to this beautiful little song for a long time, I can already tell. If I could I’d tell Tom and Dodie to make more songs that inspire and lift me up, but they already do, and I hope they’ll never stop doing their thing.

Goodbye, everyone. ❤

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