Bottling it up?

I’ve been having a hard time recently with things, you know. Stuff like life and school and the future and love. Everything has been a chaos inside of my head and I can’t seem to calm myself down. I often overthink things too much that I just drop everything down and hold my head with both hands as I start questioning my entire existence. It’s so bad. I don’t wish it upon my worst enemies.

So, I am on holidays right? Oh no I’m not, I should spend the entire time studying for my finals which are due in June. I should be using my time wisely and to the best of my advantage, which is exactly what I have been planning to do. But since I am having a mental breakdown every one or two hours it’s kind of hard for me to maintain my motivation and keep my work going. Add to that the constant battles that I’m continuously fighting with myself. My mum is going away soon. For 2+ months. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I can’t cook and I can’t eat fast food and I can’t sleep on my own. And I don’t want to stay alone with my dad. It’s complicated to explain but my father is not someone easy to be around. You just can’t be too casual when he’s around. The next few months are going to be hell, I can already tell. Oh, and there’s this guy who I should already be over, like three years ago, but still I find myself stalking him on Facebook every other five minutes.

That has been my life recently, it’s a lot of fun, isn’t it?

My question is, how do you keep things bottled up? How do you deal with such a situation? Because I’ve had enough of my shit and I don’t know how much of this I can take. It would literally be so nice if I could just turn this madness that’s going on and on and on inside of my head down so I can have some peace. It’s too much!

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14 thoughts on “Bottling it up?”

  1. I’m sorry to hear that, finals were just crazy for me! And that was 3 years ago and it was basically hardest time ever in my life. Just keep studying hard when you can and if you miss one day…or week it’s still not late.
    Maybe you could spend your days somewhere else than with your dad at home so you wouldn’t need to stress so much.
    Concerning this guy, do you want yo be with him? Does he want to be with you? Maybe try abandoning fb for 2-3 days?
    I keep it often bottled up for years yhen I have serious breakdowns :0 find someone to talk to and share your problems.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, finals are crazy. I cannot wait for them to be over with.
      And no. I can’t stay anywhere else. I’ve nowhere to go. I guess I will just do my thing and try not to be in trouble with Dad.
      And yes I do love him, but I have to move on. There’s just no other choice.
      You know, just the fact that you took the time to read about what I’m going through and analyse it this deeply and try to think of solutions to help me out did make me feel better. Thank you for caring. Not many people know how to do that. So yeah, thank you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just don’t stress too much 🙂 Finals aren’t everything. Not saying that you should throw all your school books out of the window and of course they do matter…but it’s like another test in life. Do well and it will probably help you a lot but there are plenty of people who became successful without being that awesome in finals. Same as some people do really well in life even if they didn’t go/didn’t finish their studies in Harvard.
        Yeah, I guess family is one of the hardest things. You can’t really avoid them, you can’t hate them and you don’t always get along either.
        Ahahaha, glad if my long and badly formed sentences helped 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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